How Important Do You Think It Is to Marry Someone With the Same Religion?

By Michael Gonchar
Student Opinion - The Learning Network Student Opinion - The Learning Network

Questions about issues in the news for students 13 and older.

Love conquers everything. Or at least, that’s what Romeo and Juliet thought. But love and marriage can be complicated, and some argue that marrying someone who shares your religious beliefs can make things easier.

How important do you think it is to marry someone with the same religion? Why?

In his opinion piece “Marrying Out of the Faith,” Stanley Fish writes about how challenging interfaith marriages can be. He begins by telling a story about his brother — a story showing that two people from different religions can fall in love, marry and live happily ever after:

Back in 1963, my brother Ron was going out with (that was the phrase then) an Irish Catholic girl named Ann who was attending the University of Rhode Island. One day, she was sitting in class and suddenly through the window she saw my father, who, it turned out, had tracked her down by finding out from the university administration what classes she was taking and at what times. He took her to dinner and then proceeded to tell her that it would ruin his son’s life if he were to marry a non-Jewish girl. He then asked if she would be willing to have no contact with Ron for a year; in return, he offered to pay all her expenses during that time. She refused.

Meanwhile, I had been asked if I could get Ron into the University of California at Berkeley, where I was then teaching. (My father, as I recall, was for this plan, and may even have initiated it.) I went to the head of the admissions office and said, “My brother has to get out of Rhode Island. Can you admit him here?”

“Sure,” he said, and it was done. (Those were the days; if I tried that in 2013, I would be run out of town.)

If the idea was to separate the two young people, it didn’t work. Shortly after Ron got to California, he sent Ann a plane ticket. When she arrived, they got married and have remained married to this day. She got a job at the university, took a class in Judaism and, much to my brother’s surprise, converted, although it took her a while to find a rabbi willing to give her the required course of instruction. Just the other day she remarked, “It was a hard club to get into.”

Students: Tell us…

  • How important do you think it is to marry someone with the same religion as yours?
  • Is interfaith marriage an issue you have thought about? Would you consider marrying someone of a different faith?
  • How important to you is it to raise your children with the same religion and holiday traditions that you have?
  • Do you know anyone who is in an interfaith marriage?
  • What qualities do you think are most important for two people to be able to overcome any challenges presented by an interfaith marriage?
  • In general, would you rather marry someone as much like you in terms of background as possible, or someone different from you? For instance, would you like your spouse to be the same race or ethnicity? Have the same political beliefs? Why?

Students 13 and older are invited to comment below. Please use only your first name. For privacy policy reasons, we will not publish student comments that include a last name.

Comments are no longer being accepted.

Wanderson April 4, 2013 · 8:37 am

It’s really difficult to answer this question. Other problem is how create children in a place with two diffeent religions? I don’t know as well. It would also be a huge problem. Which belief children would follow? Would be father or mother religion? Maybe, if I knew a couple in a situation like that I would be able to answer this question. But unfortunatelly, I don’t know anyone. To live in a conflict like that, couple should learn to respect their beliefs and habits without questioning to each other. Their Family would have to agree, although I don’t think we need to ask our parentes opinions regarding to our personal life. But I guess they should ask their parentes opinions, in this case.

Kevin April 4, 2013 · 9:01 am

To me, I would not want to marry somebody with a faith different from mine own. (Atheist) But I could probably make a exception depending on how faithful they are, if they respect my views (I would respect theirs back) and if they do not try to push their views on our kids.

pieter k April 4, 2013 · 9:01 am

I honestly have no opinion on this subject. It doesn’t matter to me. People will marry who they want to marry.

Brittney H April 4, 2013 · 9:02 am

I do not think it’s that important to date some one with the same religion you. If I were to get married I would not care if he had different beliefs. If you were brought up believing in science not God or believing in a different God then that’s fine. I think it’s cool when people date with different point of views knowing that it could be a difficult challenge.

Cristina Engl2Period6 April 4, 2013 · 9:02 am

I don’t really think it is that important to marry someone that has the same religion as me. But to me, it doesn’t matter because you have to love someone for who they are and not what religion you are, or how you dress or act. The benefits of marrying someone with the same religion is good because you can go to church together and get married.

Edward S April 4, 2013 · 9:04 am

i think i doesnt matter because that doesnt have nothing to deal wit love

Morgan Q April 4, 2013 · 9:05 am

In my mind, it does not matter if you marry someone with the same religion as yourself. It only matters if you love that someone and you know that he or she was meant for you. If you are to marry someone with the same religion, it may be easier for the couple to understand the thoughts of one another of what you believe. However, it could not matter less if the person that yo would want to marry is of the same religion.

noah April 4, 2013 · 9:05 am

:0 i dont really mind any kind of religion cuz i dont judge so im indifferent.

kristen April 4, 2013 · 9:06 am

i dont think its very important because im not religious. no and i dont really get along with people who are religious so no not really. its not very important im going to let them belive what they want to.

Cody 6B April 4, 2013 · 9:06 am

I don’t see it as a big issue. My religion does not effect my opinion towards marriage or to another persons religion. So it really is not important to me.

Kassie P English2 per6 April 4, 2013 · 9:07 am

I think that marriage should not be about religion. Marriage should be about love. Each religion believes in god and they have their own stories about god. Interfaith marriage is not an issue i think about. when i think about getting married i think about how the guy treats me and love. I don’t think about religion when it comes to love. I think that marrying people that has a different religion is not the end of the world. every single person has their own beliefs and thinking.

emilyk258 April 4, 2013 · 9:08 am

I do not think it is very important to marry someone of the same religion. It may be a quality that a person looks for in a spouse but many happy marriages include partners who are different beliefs. While values may be different in different faiths, if both partners have the same core values, regardless of religion, a healthy relationship can still thrive. Raising a family with different beliefs can make the child be more open minded to people of different backgrounds and allow them to be more accepting. In our global world, religion no longer is the most important factor in finding a husband or wife.

bobbie f 238 April 4, 2013 · 9:31 am

In the beginning of this article it mentions how love conquers all and gives the example of Romeo and Juliet. Romeo and Juliet were very young and foolish when they decided they “loved” each other and tried to runaway, later on resulting in death. Young kids go through many “loves” because I believe they are too juvenile to understand the true concept of love. If you do truly love someone their religion should not come between their relationships. How strongly someone follows their religion will determine how much it would matter to marry outside their faith. I am not strongly religious but I am a Catholic. I respect others beliefs and if someone from another faith wanted to have my hand in marriage and I loved him I would marry him. Everyone believes in something whether it is god, Buddha, a spirit, a greater force, and more, but at least they believe in something. I wouldn’t mind marrying someone from a different faith; it teaches you new tradition and about different cultures. If I have children when I am married my husband and I can discuss what our children will follow and when they are old enough I will give them the chance to decide to continue with that faith or not to. I will not force a faith on my child if he/she does not believe in it. New traditions and holidays give a chance to step outside the box and learn or make new traditions. Qualities that two people should have when overcoming obstacles are compromise, understanding, passion, logic, an open mind and more. To me ethnicity, political views and their backgrounds don’t matter.

Huong 3D April 4, 2013 · 9:59 am

To marry someone the same religion as mine is important or not, it depends on which person I’ll marry. It depends on how I love that person who I want to marry. If I really love him more than I love myself, I think that I will not care about who he is, what he does, where he is, so his religion is not the matter too.

To overcome any challenges presented by an interfaith marriage, I think love, patience and tolerance without calculating who is right and wrong, putting themselves on the top are most important for two people to be able to get over.

But if I can choose, I would rather marry someone as much like me in terms of background as possible to avoid any interfaith marriage. It doesn’t mean I am racism or religious discrimination. I only want to avoid any problem could happen when marrying with person has a different religion.

Lola April 4, 2013 · 10:02 am

My thoughts of this subject have changed drastically from when I was in the beginning of my 20s to now, at the end of my 20s. I come from a traditional Hindu background and when I was 22, fell in love with a guy who was Jewish. My parents were not pleased, not because of who he was, but because the thought of me marrying someone who was not Hindu presented a reality where I would not longer be able to freely carry on our traditions to my children – namely the rights of passage rituals like coming of age, marriage, holidays and death – as Stanly Fish alludes to in his article. These things seemed so insignificant to me because each of these events is one day, I went to Episcopalian and Catholic schools and universities, I did not engage in Hindu prayer regularly, I rarely went to temple and I was generally irreverent and critical of Indian culture. And especially critical of Indian guys brought up in the U.S. The one thing my mother told me however, was that right now – in your mid-twenties self – these things don’t matter – but once you share a life completely with someone else and have children, all the things you thought didn’t matter will come rushing at you and marrying outside the tradition will have precluded you from freely entertaining the choice of raising your children in the same tradition you were brought up in. I’m now approaching 30 and I find myself appreciating my background so much more than I did when I was 22. I appreciate ritual, and attend temple sometimes, have more Indian friends than I did before etc. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve still only ever dated one Indian person in the last 10 years – the rest have been non-Indian – but I am now paying more attention to my mother’s words, and I now acknowledge that while it’s not impossible to build a wonderful life with someone who is of a different culture and religion, there is more compromise and discussion needed along practical lines which I didn’t give credit to previously.

mazharul 3D April 4, 2013 · 10:13 am

First I want to say something Mr. Michael Gonchar. It is really so hard to write something about your article. But I want to write something about. In our world we have so many religions. Every religion has some rule. We should respect all of religions rule. So I have to maintain my religion rule. I think it is so important to marry someone in same religion because it thinks about those persons and their children. We can marry to other religion but problem is our children which religion they will take and respect. It is so embarrasses if I do not know what my religion is. I have one experience. A few months ago I went to New Jersey to my mother’s friend house. My mother’s friend married other religion person. He is good person. But problem is their children do not what their religion is. They also worry about that. So in this case my opinion is we have to think before do something. It is really so important for us. So it is so important to marry someone same religion. I know we can marry other religion, but we should think before marry for our children.

silvia 3D April 4, 2013 · 10:14 am

I think, it is so challenging or an interfaith marriage that because sometimes, we get to see a lot of problem for a couple. I seem to be that it is the most important things, if you are a same religious couple, you won’t overcome to face any other problem nevertheless, when you have to do an interfaith marriage, you must be more sacrifice for each other and obviously must be respect for another religious system then you can get a happier life and enjoy your future life.

JeweL 3D April 4, 2013 · 10:17 am

I don’t think so it’s important to know to marry someone which realign you are. It’s doesn’t really matter If you are in a love with someone and she or he is not same religion as you. Love comes from heart. So its depend on trust and understanding. I think if couples are happy then religion is just a little thing. Sometimes a few parents ignore their children to marry someone who is not same religion like them. I think they shouldn’t do that with their children. They should look how their children are happy. I believe we all are human…..

Jing 3D April 4, 2013 · 10:19 am

• Interfaith marriage means a person married someone who is different religions. It’s very important to marry someone with the same religion for me. Interfaith is an issue that I have thought about. I would not consider marrying someone of a different faith because the cultural and the religion are different. I know one of my friend’s parents were in an interfaith marriage. Her father is from China but her mother is from Nepal. Of course, their religion is different. Therefore, my friend knows both religions and both country, but she doesn’t belong any of them because she is American. I would rather marry someone as much like you in terms of background as possible because I think it is easy to talk with the one who is similar to you. I think most of the people like to feel drawn to somebody who is on the same level as them.

victoria 3D April 4, 2013 · 10:21 am

Well I think love is the most important thing in a relationship. If a couple is really in love they can overcome any difference between them. Religion could be a problem and it could make a big difference in their thinking and sometimes their families get involve because they don’t think that relationship is right or they don’t think that it is really love.
But anyway I believe in love and I think I’m not the only one. And if I fall for someone with a different religion I think we could work a way to overcome that difference. And I wouldn’t like my family to interfere in my love decisions because I think they would just want us to brake up.

JuanC 3D April 4, 2013 · 10:27 am

I don’t think it is so important to marry someone with the same religion as mine, I think the most important is one’s personality. Couples have to know each other. That’s why we date someone and get into a relationship before we get married because in that time is where couples can see if the other person respects one’s faith. Sometimes faith is something important for many cultures. So, I think some people must think about their faith before they get married. For children, it’s important to raise them with respect to people’s faith and teach them the way people believe in God. For me, it’s important people’s personality. Religion helps to define people’s personality but it doesn’t change the way one’s can love a person.

Jennifer 3D April 4, 2013 · 10:29 am

Actually for me, marry to somebody with the same religion as mine is not important at all. If someone does it, that is normal and acceptable also if someone doesn’t, it is the same. So, it will be easier for the couple to understand some attitude like to do the right thing properly. Love is union between each other and it is not depend to have the same religion to have a better life. And sometimes religion can cause many problems trough the relationship. The essentials things are: have dialogue, understanding, respect, faithfulness, sincerity and the relationship will be better and better even if i marry with someone the same religion or not.

Nathalie3D April 4, 2013 · 10:30 am

I think it’s important to marry someone with the same religion as you because it‘s good when both chair the same faith.
Sometimes it’s difficult to marry someone with another religion , because it could happen that you love the person not the religion , for example the Christian people they know and pray Jesus but the catholic people they know Jesus too but they pray virgin Mary so that can create a conflict between theses peoples.
I mean I think it is really important to raise your child in the same religion as you because it’s will be more important for the child to grow up in a discipline but when this child become older he will be able to choose his own religion.
Yes I know a lot of people who is an interfaith marriage sometimes they break up.
I think that the best way is when you marry someone with another religion as you, you can have to possibility to talk to your spouse or husband and let each other know how important that religion is for you and not force each other to accept your religion if one Sunday you go in your catholic church the next Sunday you go to the Christian church with your spouse the importantly thing is to accept each other..
Therefore I will rather marry someone with the same religion as me so it will be less conflict and it will be easy for both of us to raise our child

juanD 3d April 4, 2013 · 10:30 am

I don’t think that religion matters in a relationship or in a marriage. Because if both of them are in love nothing else matters. But for example if a couple is in love and they have the same religion, it would be great for both, they’re not going to have any problems because they believe the same. Love can overcome all the things and that’s all.

Alamgit 3d April 4, 2013 · 10:31 am

I think it is very important for everyone to get marry to someone with same religion. When the get married with same religion person, they wouldn’t have to face any religion issue and their children would fallow their religion. On the others hand, when they get married to someone with different religions they would have many problems. Their children would have get confuse which religion they should fallow? For instance, one of my friends his parents has two different religion. So he doesn’t know which religion he should fallow. His parents told him that whatever he likes he could do it. He had decided to fallow his father side. However, his mom is not happy about it. I strongly agree that it is important to get marry someone with same religion.